lördag 25 januari 2020

Santa Claus i ett kriminologiskt gudaperspektiv

Jultomten av Nyheterna

No sooner than later Christmas is being protected by a special Christmas court (3512) that will penalize Christmas offences. This is the story of some Christmases and some offences put on liable Christmas court proceedings.

First example of a Christmas crime came when 7-year-old 'Bertram Hollyfield' pulled Santa Clauses beard and for that he was penalized with 'no christmas candy to be eaten for 10 consecutive Christmases'.

Second example of a Christmas crime came when 8-year-old 'Sven Frickleghost' pre-opened (Santa Claus by now predelivered some gifts (delivered by some mere week before Christmas but to not open before Christmas)) some gifts and for that he was penalized with 'no dancing around the Christmas tree for 5 consecutive Christmases'.

Third example of a Christmas crime came when 8-year-old 'Hilda Gunnelsson' opened her little brothers Christmas gifts and for that she was penalized with 'no gifts to be recieved for next Christmas'.

Fourth example of a Christmas crime came when 26-year-old 'Beatha Newground' was doping herself (to be able to opened her Christmas gifts in superspeed) with rice porridge w/ sugar, cinnamon and amphetamine and for that she was penalized with 'only soft gifts to be recieved (indefinitely)'.

Fifth example of a Christmas crime came when 23-year-old 'Sewert Malmberg' virus-infected Santa Claus' digital naughty-list files to be held in a better day and for that he was penalized with 'no Christmas celebration (no Santa Claus home visits) for 5 consecutive Christmases' if it wasn't for 'Sewert Malmberg' to take under a Christmas crime solicitation meaning he would have his penalty cancelled after he began working for Santa Claus as an elf with technical skills working on the anti-virus infected naughty-list.

Santa Claus was once again victorious.

And so the (new) technical elf (Sewert Malmberg) was yet victorious.

And so Christmas was once again saved.

// Henrik Aronsson (Other Persona)

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